It Always Ends Up About Work…

Again i sit here wondering what the fuck i should write. Trying to force myself to at least attempt something worthy of your readage. Is that a word? Readage?

Anyway, so you may or may not know, but i’ve been getting a lot of reading done lately. At least three hours of it a day (Monday though Saturday) due to long travel times to and from work. Yayy for long, boring ass bus rides where i can play my iPod and ignore everything that’s going on around me and just read my Kindle. Right now i’m reading ‘A Game of Thrones‘.

Something that i’ve noticed is that i’m thinking more about writing, and even my speech has changed. I’m using words i wouldn’t ordinarily use. And i try to come up with similes all the time. And i narrate events as they go through my mind. Is that weird? Or just my transformation into a writer? Shouldn’t i eat after mid-night?

Most of my time at work is now spent thinking about either reading or writing. I even get a little absent minded, not paying attention to what i should be doing, my mind kinda switches channels and i can’t actually see with my eyes anymore. They work just fine, but my brain is elsewhere. Once i “come back” i wonder if i just missed someone pocketing something. Then i just shrug it off and do my job again. I wonder what i look like what this happens, is there some kind of difference in my appearance, do i stand like a zombie? Mouth open, eyes glazed over, head cocked to one side? Sometimes i “wake up” with a start, a myoclonic jerk, you know, your body shacks suddenly when you fall asleep, i get that. Which of course could mean that i was about to fall asleep, while standing up, at work. Trust it wouldn’t be the first time. I mean how fucking boring is my job if i’m falling asleep standing up?

As for work, i’m becoming numb to it now. I hate it more than ever, and really need to get away form it. But can’t bring myself to quit. The thought of being unemployed again is not something that pleases me. I do think about killing the site manager though, which isn’t healthy. It can’t be healthy. Can it? Usually it’s just a bullet to the back of the head. But than i have to kill everyone else, can’t have witnesses now can i? Shit………. my mind is a fucked up place to be. I now have to physically restraigh myself when a customer pisses me off. First i want to shout at them, then i want to punch them in the face, then i want to stab them with my BIC pen, in the throat, over and over. Yeah you’re right. This isn’t healthy.

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