I only wish i meant sabotage in a ‘Beastie Boys’ kinda way.
It’s a condition i seem to have. That and my natural hatred of managers and their utter bullshit. I once called a manager a “Fucking Cunt” to his face because he was being unreasonable. This happened a long time ago, back in my ‘Don’t give a shit‘ days, i’m to old and under paid to have those anymore. Which is kinda sad. But i assure you that, after many many years of hindsight, i can say with utter certainty that he was being an unreasonable fucking cunt. I’m not going to go into specifics on that because you don’t really need to hear me harp on about it. And of course it would only be my side of the story. Tom Brady isn’t around to say otherwise, so why bother.
After a few years in the same job i just start to get bored of it all. I mean, like i’ll hit the snooze button a few extra times. I’ll miss my bus and not really care if i arrive late. I’ll stop shaving, (A big deal in security) and i’ll stop wearing my security license around my neck. Yes, in the UK security guards of any kind, from big ass corporate security to night club bouncers, are required to be licensed. A blue credit card size SIA (Security Industry Authority) thing. I hate it. It makes me feel like my name isn’t Jason anymore but 0330 0138 2245 7996, yes that is my license number. And no i don’t care that you can see it. The fucking thing expires soon anyway, and what are you gonna do with it anyway, pretend to be a security guard?
I also start to become very unreasonable with my employers. I mean i don’t see these people, and i always feel like they are trying to screw me over, case in point;
I was about ten minutes from work one morning, i was walking down Oxford Street in London, and i get a phone call from the office. “Hello”, i said in a very, I’m bored, tone. ‘Hello Jason, i need you to do me a favour, mate”, they always say it’s a favour. “What!” i say, “I need you to go to stratford”, i stop in the street, “What for?”, “i need you to go to a victoria’s secret, it opens at 11:00 so you have plenty of time to get there”, He has already figured i’d go (More on that later), I stupidly ask why, he gives some sob story about a guard calling in sick, “Mate” i say, “I’m like ten minutes from my store and you want me to turn around and go to fucking stratford?” yes, i said Fucking, he told me to stop being to melodramatic, i said, “So vikki’s secret opens at 11:00, who’s going to cover my store?”, he said, “I’m working on that now”, i said, “My store opens in thirty minutes, Vikki’s opens in ninety minutes, wouldn’t it make more sense to send the guard you want to send here to vikki’s secret?”, the line kinda went silent, i figured he was dumb founded by my extreme logic. Lets send a guard to the other side of London because he answered his phone, then figure out who to send to his store which opens in thirty minutes, knowing it’ll take more then an hour for any guard to get there. These people pay my wages. It scares me sometimes. It seems that, in a crisis, they panic and just start punching phone numbers hoping some idiot (Me), will pick up. They try to solve a problem without thinking that they might just be creating another, more time critical problem for themselves. I say again, these people pay my wages.
I got a text the other week, all my schedules come in via text message. I’m cool with that, it means i ain’t gotta talk to them, i just text back ‘Confirmed‘ if there isn’t an issue. Well, a few weeks back my wednesday time was from 05:00 to 19:00. For those of you counting on your fingers, that is a fourteen hour shift. But it gets worse then that, to get to work for 05:00, i need to wake up at 03:00. I don’t get home from work until around 20:15, that means i can make and eat diner, have a shower, and hopefully be in bed and asleep by 21:00. Giving me six hours of sleep before a fourteen hour shift, and a seventeen hour work day (Waking up a 3am, arriving home at 8:15pm’ish). I was not happy, but i couldn’t be bothered to complain about it. But that just made me mad at myself, i should be standing up for myself. So that Wednesday, at 02:45 i just wake up, no reason, i just did. A text message was engulfing my iPhones entire screen, CANCELLED, i reset my alarm for the usual 06:00 and went back to sleep.
Well, the work is back on, this wednesday, 05:00 to 19:00. But this time i decided to speak up. I sent a text message back;
Genuine text message, i wasn’t going to just lie down and play ball, not this time, so i figured that i’d negotiate with the above message. Not to harsh, but letting them know that i’m not a fool who will just roll over every time they say so. So i told them straight. The reply i got back was simply “Fair enough, let me see which option would be easier and we’ll let you know“. And so i have Thursday off.
I try to sabotage my job, but i’m very loyal to it. I should be there for these works, because i have a very good relationship with the client (The Store manager), they trust me. And i don’t trust other guards to do the job properly. I know the sight and i know about the works going on. It just seem like good logic that i be there. Otherwise, i’d just say no, get someone else to do it.
I might hate my job, but i get paid to do it, so i’ll do a good job. Paradox…?
I’ll do my job as best i can. I won’t put the store in danger. But i’ll always confuse and irritate my employers.
(More on that later). Most security guards that work for a small outfit like the one i work for well just do everything they are told to, without question. Maybe it’s because most are immigrants and don’t realise they are being fucked with, or maybe they are just to stupid to realise that they are being taken advantage of, or maybe think they have to do everything they are told to do. Well, they don’t. I’ll only do it if it benefits me. Otherwise, get someone else to do it.