Open Letter to Virgin Media.

14 - 1Why oh why can’t i use your services?

You see, i’m kinda stuck with BT fucking broadband. Or rather the self proclaimed “Most reliable service in Britain“. It’s now 15:32 (I don’t work on Mondays) and my connection to the internet has cut out five times. Once while trying to watch a movie on Netflix earlier, the rest while trying to update this website or simply using Instagram. I’d hit refresh and nothing… just a spinning wheel of hopelessness. BT internet is fucking hopeless.

I’ve heard through the grape vine that you were stopped but Barnet, fucking, council from laying down your cables. Which kinda means that Barnet Council is responsible, by proxy, for my shit fucking internet connection. BT and Barnet council and suck my fucking dick.

That’s right BT and Barnet Council, come on over to my place and suck my dick, BITCH!

And so i’m stuck with BT infinity broadband. ^Great^.

Putting a ^ before and after a word or sentence is a textual form of sarcasm. It’s called a sarcastrophe. ^Duh^.

Read my fucking sarcasm BT. Your Infinity service is shite, mate.

Two weeks ago i called BT and asked them, yet again, to fix my dial up speed Fibre optic broadband service, which i pay a lot of fucking money for. I mean, i’m paying all this money for a fast, optical, service, but 3mbps isn’t fast. Last week a “Engineer” turned up and did some stuff, switched my optical cable, or something, and i had, again 49.99mbps. Nice i thought. That is what i should be getting. But you see, every time my wifi hub cuts out on me, the Exchange registers that as a fault. Each fault reduces my connection speed to a minimum of 3mbps. Right now, my speed is 16.35mbps. Okay that not bad, but it ain’t what i’m paying for, i could get that in regular broadband, i’m paying for optical.

Okay, this is sounding a little angry.

Because it is dumb ass!

You think Jack Torrence up there looks dumb founded because he can’t finish his book because of the constant interruptions by his stupid wife and kid.

“All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”

Too fucking right, all work and no internet my Jason a fucking time bomb. But whats worse then having no internet, is BT teasing my with it. One minute it’s fine, then it’s off. I’m watching a movie on Netflix, and it cuts off at the end because my connection cut out.

Virgin Media, i wish to use your service, but i feel trapped by BT and it’s ever tighten grip on my genitals while Barnet Council skull fucks me. If i have to dig the fucking hole to lay the cables, i’ll do it, i’ll dig that sucker the few hundred yards to my door step, so then i could enjoy an interruption free, faster, service. Please oh please Virgin Media, help me. Your my only hope.

But seriously, i live in Barnet (N10), and i want to use your service, but can’t, Why?

Is it Barnet Council?

Should i write a similar letter to them? Maybe asking why they are playing with my sanity, and wallet, so frivolously.

I mean, if it is because they don’t want you digging up their roads, i can see why, because they don’t dig them up either, no matter how bad they get, pot holes, water leaks (which seem endless. No seriously, most of that 300 million gallons of water Thames Water loss each year must come from Barnet because they hate digging up their roads to fix shit).

I need answers Virgin.

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