It F**king Broke..! | Whisky

If you follow me on social media, which you totally should because I’m fucking awesome and not at all a total narcissist, you might be aware that I kinda sorta love Whisky.

That’s whiskly spelt W.H.I.S.K.Y. Not W.H.I.S.K.E.Y. You see, I’m a Scotch man. Love the stuff, can’t get enough. I could run down a list of my 29 bottles (of which 1 Irish, 3 American, and 1 Japanese), but I won’t because I don’t want you running away at this point. At the very least get half way down the page.

The most expensive bottle I own was £155, and is The Dalmore King Alexander III (3rd). This particular whisky is one I drink sparingly, I’ll have one glass if I feel like having something amazing. To treat myself. Dalmore is one of my favourite brands.

Along with Lagavulin and Longmorn, they make up my top three. Of these you have The Dalmore Cigar Malt, the Lagavulin 16 and the Longmorn 16. All great Whiskies. All to be drunk when I feel like something special. Like when I’m listening to my original (plum & red) pressing of Led Zeppelins fourth album on vinyl. This shit is like the whisky equivalent to Zoso…


Tru Dat!!!

I ain’t cutting no shade mutha fucka…

I try to sound like a youth but it always comes off sounding just fucking stupid.

I always succeed at stupid.

So, to-day I bought two more whiskies, I never intended to buy these two in particular, it just turned out that way. I was supposed to buy Glenfiddich’s 12, 15, and 18’s to replace the ones I finished off during the week. So I go into the city to my favourite whisky dispensary, the Whiskey Exchange (just off charging cross road), it was raining when I got out of the tube station, but I wasn’t going to let a few drops of rain (a lot) stop me, I walked like I owned the fucking city. I got wet, who fucking cares I was going to buy some Whisky.

When I got there I noticed that they didn’t have any Glenfiddich 12, and so my mind, and eyes, wondered. I saw the Glenfiddich Malt Masters Edition and figured, “Yeah, why not?”


Then My eyes found the Longmorn’s. The 16 I have, the distillers edition I have. The 15, I didn’t have. Frankly a no brainer. Like I said, I’m good at stupid.


When I got home I wanted, as always, to make a video of my new additions. I do this with books and vinyl. I set up my phone with a new video recording app called FilMic Pro.


You see FilMic Pro can be used with a remote app on my iPad, so I can use the better, 4K rear camera instead of the lower res front facing camera on my phone. The image appears on the iPad, I frame myself and hit record. Sounds easy, right?

It usually is, I set up a 2k recording, and got started…

That’s when shit started to go wrong, because It looked like the camera was focused on the book shelf behind me rather than my face, and excuse my narcissism here but I kinda wanted my face in focus, you know? So there was that nonsense. I tasted the glenfiddich and moved on to the Longmorn 15, the second most expensive bottle of Whisky I own at £135… I unwrapped the foil from the top, I gripped the wooden top, and gave it a light twist… That is when I realised the cork was broke, the top came off, below;


As you can see, less than half the cork is attached. Leaving the rest still in the bottle. The problem I had was to remove the rest without getting any in the whisky. It doesn’t ruin the drink like it might with wine, but it does look dirty. I figured a cork screw, for obvious reasons, might work best, I twisted it in slowly, hoping not to push the remaining cork inside the bottle. But when I retracted the cork screw the cork just fell apart leaving big lumps in the whisky. I got most of it out but I still had a problem. How was I going to remove this;


My first thought was, simply, “FUCK IT!!!!!!” I may have also shouted “CUUUUUUUNT!” I rambled on in the video about paying 135 quid for a bottle of scotch, and at that price you don’t expect this shit to happen, am I right? I taste tested the Longmorn 15 but inside I was still screaming and ended up just procrastinating about cork in my booze.

I hit the stop recording button, but it didn’t change. You see it’s supposed to change from a solid red button to a white button with a white ring;


It didn’t do this, it stayed red. It basically crashed and evidently it didn’t save the video. Even though I was missing 5GB’s of storage space on my phone (I had to delete the app to get it back) So, I wasted 15 minutes recording a video that didn’t save properly, and I “corked” the second most expensive bottle of whisky I had…

You can imagine I wasn’t very happy… I took a few minutes to relax, because lets face it, this ain’t shit… Annoying, yes. Frustrating, yes. But can I really have my day ruined by this? No.

I grabbed the cotton buds (Q-Tips) from the bathroom and proceeded to slowly remove the cork from the bottle. I got most of it out, there is still a little in there, but nothing I’m to bothered about. It’s a drag, yes. But I’ll get over it.

Oh and by the way, the Longmorn 15 is A-MAZ-ZING!!!

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